so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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