We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
