Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I understand Curling. That high.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
