maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
