Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Sober January is a disaster.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
