i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
