just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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