If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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