She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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