it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
