Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
