if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
