I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
