sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
