Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
