How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
