I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
