I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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