i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
