that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think my moral compass just broke
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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