it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
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