I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
