i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
