Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
