can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
