they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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