from now on my penis is your penis
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
