I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
