If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
