I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
