Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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