They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
