we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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