I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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