my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
