I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
