My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
