Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the day after is always just damage control
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
