Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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