You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ladies don't puke and tell
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
