so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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