i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
