I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's never too late to be topless.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Boobs speak an international language.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
