Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
