The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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