I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
