I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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