No stitches, just platelets and will power
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
