Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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