I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
