Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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