Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
