I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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